This isn‘t working. I want to publish it up there. Anyone of my readers know wordpress? Fuck! Ah, Blessings, of course.
Welcome to the Tutorial to the Happy Buddha Style,
Form of Combat and Life Enjoyment!
The first Rule of Happy Buddha Style, or The Way, as we shall call it,
is to use the power that is within your heart.
And that Power is to love. To love all living things,
and occasionally to eat them.
Is it not so that when you really like someone, that sometimes you want
to eat them?
No. It is not a shame.
Neither is self-defense!
If you see a fascist on the street, this is how you should go forward.
1) Act naturally.
A fascist is not allways recognizable in plain sight!
Some even fuck fascists and don`t realise it.
Or maybe they just like interideological porn.
2) Approach target.
Stroll nonchalantly towards your target.
If the fascist does not react,
re-evaluate your judgement of his fascist nature.
Perhaps an ironic punk?
Actor, Theme Party?
Artist? Provocation (see Hubsi Kramar) ?
3) Evaluate and calculate possible courses of action.
depending on size of individual, size of group
possible weaponry, possible people that would call the cops
Male-female relationship and state of intoxication on both sides.
4) When having decided on one option, proceed with execution.
You invite him to a bowl of delicious happy buddha RAMEN!
The origins of the happy buddha noodle snack and lifestyle Way
are in the tibeto-burmese-pinoy techniques of eskrima, along with
cubano-mexican chilli and nippon-okinawan chopsticks!
The possible ways are:
The chicken or the egg
The bowl of punch
The Ramen stradivari
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
And of course,
9mm. (or cartridge of choice)
For todays starter lesson, we shall begin with the opening move of the
bowl of punch. Your subject sits before you, with his own bowl of Ramen,
which he is eating with chopsticks. So are you.
After having achieved a healthy dose of nutrition, you proceed to prepare.
Memorise and imitate:
With your left hand, you hold the bowl. With your right, you eat
noodles, and egg of choosing. With your head, you look upon the soup. It
will be extremely spicy and perhaps flavoured duck thukpa or seafood batchoy.
And then you proceed to remember the wisdom of the grand father:
If you do not succeed, try again and again until you do.
Diligent training and confidence in your abilities will grow.
And you will continue to use your left hand to dump the contents of your
bowl in your opponents face as he is ingesting a chopstickfull of ramen.
The opponent at this moment is armed with chopsticks, and perhaps the
bowl he is holding in his left hand. It is a fair fight!
The nazi will attack you as soon as he realises who you are: An antifascist, perhaps?
A concerned citizen? A woman in need, a damsel in distress? Or do you wanna play hero?
Or have you become one with the way, are enlightened, and become a happy buddha?
The nazi attacks!
But you, as in all self-defense, seize the moment to impede his starting attack.
The hot, boiling Soup and the Chilli will ideally sear his eyes, temporarily blinding him.
But now quick: Trap his chopsticks with your bowl, and then
continue to smash into his face with your right fist, holding the
This should render him at least defenseless for another minute or so.
If you really don‘t want to damage your own life and that of others, then don‘t go for a killing blow:
Twist his arms into the „fuck, let go“-position and proceed with a wedgy.
Otherwise, continue to hold with the left
and do a quick stab to the temple with the right. Further brain damage
will surely impede his ability to counter or retaliate.
(If you are outnumbered, you may not have the leisure to finish them off one by one, but must strike quickly, decisively and mercilessly. Like Hit-Girl, from the comedy „Kick-Ass“.)
When you are complete with your training, you will not need to remember
You will only act.
But please do not try this on actual fascists. They might not like your soup,
and you might run out of nazis.
Happy Buddha Blessings to you all
and follow the Way of the RAMEN!